Saturday, March 2, 2019

Deconstruction is an Invitation to go Deeper in our Spiritual Journey

What folks call deconstruction - of the bible, religion, church, etc

For me, it felt like the process I went through
was a deconstruction of ME,
of who i thought I was, along with who I thought God was.

Even tho this was almost 35 years ago,
I remember exactly where I was focused to start:
I called it the big 5 questions:
- Is there a God
- If there is a God, what is God like?
- Does God want relationship/communication back and forth with me? and if so, how?
- What about Jesus, and is he God, what does this all mean? (this is less clear biblically than it may seem)
- What about the bible, and how do I relate to it, understand it?

Meanwhile, I am a mystic,
so I was having spiritual experience
- as much as I would allow -

but muddy and confusing
(becasue so much as muddy and confused within me ; )

At the time, it felt like mystical experiences
just made things worse (the current and past ones),
becasue it felt at the time
like it would have been SO much easier,
to (again) walk away from this spiritual/God crap
- becasue it was SO hard and confusing.

Better to let my intellect win, and fall into
-> This God crap is all stupid,
a delusion and a waste of attention.

I realized early-on in my 'deconstruction' process,
that I had 'bought the package' -
I had authentic expereince of spiritual reality
and dancing with the living God.

BUT, along with that was So much BS
- beliefs and community standards and ethics
and how its done and relationships a certain way,
and what stuff means, etc, etc.
We know this drill ; )

Originally I had chosen a PART of me
to move forward into the Christian game,
and it was a good Honeymoon for a couple years!

But by necessity, I had left big parts of myself behind.
I didn't know how to do it any other way...

Some obvious stuff, I left behind on purpose
- some of my intellect,
some of my sexuality,
and therefore some of my honesty...
And a lot of not-obvious stuff
- of course my 'shadow',
but also my free-will,
some of my open-mindedness, etc

God and my deep self - my soul -
neither of us would stand for it, in the long-run.
So the hell began
- and it effected my mental health, my identity,
my relationships, my ability to function well in the world, etc etc

From my current perspective, spiritually:
- Wholeness, Oneness, Connection, Love is the truth.
- God (and our deep self - soul)
want us to experience the Wholeness that we are (that ALL is),
the expereince of ALL of ourselves IN God consciously.
... So, I went through the mill ;)

Anyway, I am writing this to say
my very long and very tumultuous times,
letting go of all the 'extras' of my walk with God
eventually showed so much fruit:
- just God,
- just deep, real spiritual connection and love with God.
- letting all the BS fall away...

From here:
- a solid place to stand, within my own soul - in the storm this life/world can be
- being love, joy, peace, that is real and i can bring in the world
- Dancing in this world in concert with Spirit; in wisdom, truth
- Life Abundantly!
more and more

To really start enjoying the fruit of the deconstruction
took me a longggg time, hardddd road;
- I am Very slow and resistant!
I tend to make stuff Much harder than it has to be!
- IN the process, I have learned how to allow shift to be easier as I have gone along,
and I have found tools that help me shift in my soul, which helps a lot!
- But I want to validate:
This process had to go all the way to the depths of my soul
(i think anything else is just rearranging chairs on the Titanic ; )

From my experience, the fruit of this process
(and therefore the process that we take to get there)
is SO Good, and ever deepeningly Delicious.

I believe the process of
Deconstruction (or whatever we call it)is an Invitation to go Deeper in our Spiritual Journey, our Soul Evolution
- allowing ourselves to go through the stages of our spiritual life/development.

Maturity = Teleios = Becoming who we really are
= Becoming the Oak hidden in the Acorn ; )

Deconstruction is a spiritual process,
and 2 things I have found that help a lot:

1 - I believe going beyond intellectual and social issues in this process,
and going down into the soul to allow shift.
A spiritual (I don't mean religious) practice is very helpful.
There are many, I am served by a form of meditation that is powerful for me
(PM me, I am happy to share)

2 - understanding that we are on a Spiritual Journey
- and that our spiritual practice
is much more important
than our rational religious beliefs.
I really like and have been served by this book:Putting on the Mind of Christ: The Inner Work of Christian Spirituality

I hope all of us enjoy Much Much fruit
from our challenging processes of Deconstruction,
which i believe take us ever deeper into God
(truth, love/oneness, light, life, our unique way in God)
- even when it looks like the opposite
(maybe especially then ; )

thanks for reading
what is your expereince?

in life,
: )Wendy

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