Monday, February 11, 2013

My Spiritual Journey & Opening to my Spiritual Senses & Gifts

One of the ways to introduce myself, is by sharing the highlights of my opening to spiritual gifts, as someone who Loves God.

I always remember experiencing strong clairsentience (spiritual feeling) & some claircognizance (spiritual knowing-ness). Growing up in an abusive household, I used that to help "protect" me (It didn’t really help, in retrospect; but I had an illusion of some control at least ; )

I grew up Catholic. I can point to my first conscious mystical encounter, when I experienced Mary while doing rosary in my room, a few weeks before Confirmation - so i was IDK 12-ish? That was Awesome.

What was Not awesome, was my actual Confirmation experience: where I watched the Bishop having behavior that pretended to be spiritual, but had no 'magic' in it… it was just words and waving of arms, but nothing real occurred as happening. I was afraid of him, yes, and the prospect of being called to account, and being terribly shy, and such. But, I was actively NOT Awed… in retrospect, I was actively disappointed by the lack of Actual spiritual experience. What a shame to have the shell of the experience left as a ritual, but the experience itself be empty, hollow. 

Confirmation is intended to be a turn farther INTO the church, but for me, it ended up being a turn away… I know now, that If I want to experience God in church, I gotta 'bring God with me'; but I remember my Confirmation as one of the 2 significant disappointments with my Catholic church experience.

The other big disappointment in my Catholicism, I was IDK 15, and I had been agnostic for a couple years. I finally told my folks, and they were UPSET, as were many of my family and friends. My mom dragged me off to the priest to FIX me: aye… He said things that make sense to me Now, about his personal experience of God. But at the time, the interaction just fed my belief that these religious people are, um, let's say intellectually challenged ; )

I found the whole 'coming out as agnostic' experience very strange, because, except for Sunday mornings and holidays, their belief in God seemed to make no noticeable difference in the life of my friends and family. But, most of them were UPSET about my agnosticism. I couldn't understand that, I still don't, really...

I spent the bulk of my teens as an agnostic. And, I continue to believe that the intellect cannot understand God or spiritual reality very well (if at all) and has very different values and priorities; therefore the intellect doesn't have good reason to believe in God, IMO. In retrospect, I also see my agnosticism as an important and necessary stage in my spiritual journey.

Another important stage was being 'born again Christian' in a house church. I opened to this expereince because of the palpable Love of those people for each other and for God. I opened and I became willing to experience something awesome, a spiritual experience that could be named experiencing 'God' *directly*. It was in part an emotional/body experience, and yet also spiritually true. So, no matter where I have been since, I cannot deny this spiritual experience - this is a touchstone for me, which has been really helpful along the way.  Reminds me of what Amy Grant says in her song: 1974:
As the years go by
How I need to see
That's still me
My clairaudience (spiritual hearing) came on strong after a Christian ‘baptism in the Spirit’ right after being 'born again' when I was 17. I was 'on fire' with God for a couple years, after that the honeymoon was over, but real 'married life' had begun, in earnest...

As I said, my relationship with God was really delicious for at least a year or two, but then, the intellect I purposefully 'gave to God' when i was 'born again' was overtly given back to me: it was time for me to grow up, spiritually.

I did have and I do have real spiritual experience: I had to learn to reconcile that with competing thoughts, beliefs, emotions, influences and experiences in my physical life. That process has been extremely challenging and rewarding beyond measure.

I spent most of my 20's struggling with intellectual issues around God, and then also struggling with allowing my perceptions and relationship with God to shift: again and again. I opened to different spiritual paths and ways of experiencing God, outside of the average Christian paradigms. I resisted a lot, so it was painful and slow... I can see now that spiritually I was being pushed out of the 'nest': to learn, to grow, to change, to experience many different pathways to The One.

At 29, my clairvoyance (spiritual seeing) came ON very strongly in a life-changing interaction with God, while driving alone across the Delaware Memorial Bridge (of all places!) on my way to a solo weekend of beach camping. I went 'out of time' for what seemed like a really long time, but really was just the time it took to cross the bridge...

This very different expereince of God and spiritual reality was intense.  My spiritual visual senses turning way UP was not consciously asked for, and stood my world on-end!  I am grateful And it was very challenging to deal with at the time. I had no conscious control over my clairvoyance - visions would come when they came… My clairaudience was turned way down for awhile, which encouraged my clairvoyance to develop; but this was disconcerting, since I was used to HEARING God. I was used to talking with God and now, instead, I was being encouraged to visually relate to God instead…

I had related to many different concepts and faces of God through my 20's, but I was encouraged to let them go and interact primarily with this new face of God - this was truly a Delight, but strange and unnerving as well. I was grok-ing the world very differently, I was opening to new and very challenging paradigms. This was a time of Huge shift, uncomfortable and exciting.

Also, my healing abilities really started waking up, ~8 months later, when I turned 30, I was ‘called’ as a healer (“You are a Healer becoming”)

This is when I started getting into Real Trouble.

On a minor level, from the time my clairvoyance opened, I started experiencing more intense spiritual ‘attacks’ that were uncomfortable and confusing, sometimes disturbing and scary. (the worst was experiencing ‘entities’ coming into my space in uncomfortable and invasive ways)

More detrimental to my wellness, I started using my abilities in healing relationships (I became a massage therapist) I was very good at it, but ended up drained, and sick, eventually bed-ridden for years because Energetically I had terrible boundaries – I was inclined to take on other’s energy to try to heal them and transmute their negative energies. I ended up getting almost every injury and illness, as well as emotional challenge, that my clients experienced – ugh. For Me this was a difficult, painful, dangerous road!

Eventually after many years of churning and suffering (and RESISTING), I dedicated myself to an intense spiritual training program. Because of my 'religious programming' against utilizing spiritual senses (psychics are evil) AND my fear of being 'seen' and judged; as well as avoidance of getting down to my Real Healing (which has been Intense) - I avoided this for many years.

I was very ill, bedridden or housebound for years -  and headed downward. I believe if I hadn’t finally been willing to take this healing road, to repent (change direction), I would be dead by now, after much terrible suffering... This lever of extreme illness 'strongly-encouraged' me to shift and open to my own spiritual healing and development in a whole new way.  I had not been willing to LET GO, to allow my concept of God and myself and the world to fundamentally shift, except under these most dire of circumstances!

Finally, I did go where I had been led (but avoided) for years - I learned to utilize techniques that really serve me spiritually, to co-create healing and spiritual opening - for myself and others. I learned to be spiritually safe & comfortable, to own my personal space, and be in charge of my spiritual abilities. Practicing daily meditation, as well as serving others through teaching, healing, and utilizing spiritual gifts as a minister, in safe, structured ways has served me greatly in the process of my physical, emotional, relational and spiritual wellness. And my healing has, of course, made a huge difference in my ability to serve others, as well. I committed to learn, practice and serve in an intense Psychic/Soul healing & training program for 4 years, and since 1995 I have been healing and serving on my own.

I enjoy my gifts and abilities very much, and I allow them to continue opening/increasing. I believe we are all spirit, and we all have these spiritual senses and abilities, it is a matter of allowing them to open (or re-open) in safe and comfortable ways.

I continue to deepen in my spiritual path, relationship with God, Jesus, Angels, and other spiritual supporters. I work with others to assist them on their own unique journey.

I am so glad for my challenges, they have led me to an Incredible, Exciting, Fruitful life in God and in service to other's spiritual deepening.

So that is my spiritual journey, in a *relatively* small nutshell.
If you are interested, there is more about me here.


Best to you on Your Unique Path, Wendy

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